Breathe. Just breathe. Those were the words I told myself over and over again as I left the infertility doctors office twenty-five years ago. After all, he did keep saying to me that “next month I would get pregnant” only to end up in false reality of no pregnancy. Month after month, year after year. My “fake it ’til you make it” mentality of “put on a happy face” left me in a sea of sadness and the feeling that my body had truly betrayed me. What was really going on?
In the midst of all my hustle and bustle of trying to figure things out on my own, the God of my heart ever so gently called out to me one day and I heard HIM loud and clear. God spoke to me and said “why do you love having a child more than you love me?” WOW, talk about a humbling moment for me. You see, I realized I had been making trying to become pregnant a top priority, but had not truly trusted God with this. I needed to get to a complete release of saying “whatever your will be God, I am good”. Ever been there?
Little by little, step by step like the little engine that could I started on a journey with God. I stopped going to the infertility doctor completely. All treatments stopped. God knew the desire of my heart and I was on a journey with Him. I needed and wanted to trust Him totally and build my faith. Oh, the freedom and JOY that comes from walking in step with the one who KNOWS you best. Six months after I stopped the infertility treatments, I was holding my first born daughter in my arms. Eight years later I was holding another daughter and a son in my arms. Pieces of a puzzle God brought together through the gift of adoption. Oh, the places you will go when you trust God!
When I was walking through my infertility I believed the lie from Satan that I was “less than” because I was “barren”. There is no truth in that at all. A matter of fact my primary purpose is to Glorify God in whatever circumstance of life he surrounds me with and to trust Him that He will show me how to use my gifts best in those circumstances. It’s letting go of the control and once again saying you are MASTER AND COMMAND….LEAD ME ON GOD.
I pray if you are in this season that you will trust the one who knows you best. God has a perfect plan for your life! There is nothing like walking in the sweet freedom in JESUS.